Nobody wins
by mika-thoma
Summary: He's angry, oh so angry. They spit out words of anger and furiously he pushes yet another person out of his life. It's Christmas Eve, nothing ever goes his way on this day... Ryo of Girugamesh just got out of yet another relationship. Unfortuneately.


**Title:** Nobody wins

**Author:** Mika (bleeding_jaws)

**Beta:** thethirdstone

**Band:** Girugamesh

**Pairing:** Ryo x ?

**Rating:** PG-13

**Genre:** Angst

**Chapters:** One shot

**Warning:** None

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anyone. Such things are frowned upon.

**Summary:** Such a disgusting feeling of joy spread around inside of him as the door finally closed in his face.

**Note:** This is my second Ryo Christmas fic. I feel like Christmas is the best time for Ryo to belong in my fics. Please comment

A hand grabbed an object that soon proved to be a vase as it broke into pieces in its sorrowful meeting with the wall behind his head. Ryo cringed and felt a forlorn piece of glass mark his cheek. He was so angry with the other one that he almost felt the tears pressing their way out of his bloodshot eyes. He opened his mouth and screamed heated words full of rage. Ryo's words didn't even cross his mind, he had no idea why he said those things or why he wanted them to hurt so much. Damage could have been the theme for tonight, although it was a night like any other. He didn't shout for long before the other voice mixed up with his, neither listening anymore to the other. Furiously, he stormed off to the bedroom and roamed around, pulling a shirt out of here, pants from there and then he walked back and pushed the clothes into the other man's hands. Telling them to get out, out of his apartment, and out of his life. Ryo didn't cry. He was far too furious, so when he saw the first tear of defeat falling on the other persons cheek, he couldn't help but smile inside and he knew he had won. Such a disgusting feeling of joy spread around inside of him as the door finally closed in his face.

Walking back into the living room, he stopped by the broken glass on the floor. His eyes were penetrating invisible holes into it and unable to tear his gaze away, he fell on his knees. With trembling fingers he picked up the largest pieces, and swept up the smaller ones with nothing but his own hands. Blood fell from cuts they made, but he couldn't feel a thing. He snapped out of it when he took notice there was no more glass and blinked at the droplets of red decorating his floor. His stomach twirled like a roller coaster. He started to feel sick from watching the mess he had created. In a matter of seconds he was back on his feet and running into the bathroom, desperately allowing cold water to run over his hands as he tried to wash off the blood and muss. His eyes were penetrating holes into the ones he saw in the mirror, facing his own arrogance. He cursed because he felt he was not that person.

His hands were dripping wet from the cold treatment he'd given them and he could not be bothered to dry them. His bathroom seemed to become small and it was as if it was suffocating him as he stood there alone and quiet and his own eyes were locked on himself from the mirror. Feeling weak and defeated and intimidated his gasps became short, shallow and everything started spinning away. He stumbled out and back to his living room, his breathing falling back into rhythm. Sickness whirled around in the pit of his stomach and as he saw the small tree sitting quietly in the corner, his anger released itself in form of hands wrapping around the branches as he dragged it into the direction of his balcony. The only thing that momentarily connected him with the normality of the world. Today was Christmas Eve, Ryo really hated Christmas Eve.

Standing on his balcony, one wet hand holding his chin, the other one holding a cigarette, Ryo wondered if anyone would be angry about the plastic tree now lying scattered on the sidewalk down there. He couldn't care much though. He glared at the world below and grit his teeth because he couldn't figure out what lead to the fight before. Or why everything lead to any fight at all. He was tired of the fights, the broken furniture and words that hung in the air like cheap perfume on old women. Stinking and making it hard to breathe. For him it always became so hard to breathe. Once the door had shut, and the joyous sickness had shattered and been swept up among the glass, he found it so hard to breathe on his own. He had lit up the cigarette, taken the first drag, but now it only burned away on its own. Carefully held between his fingers and forgotten while he was just staring away, into the empty pool of the night. The buildings and all bright lights seemed to dim and to become more distant. Then, without any care he let it go and didn't bother to watch it fall down to the ground, as he walked back in. Throwing away things he hated, the day and bad habits. As if neither wouldn't come rushing back tomorrow.

He put his jacket on and pulled on his boots, he grabbed the keys and locked the door before he left, not bothering with the cellphone or wallet, not minding about turning off the lights. He just walked out and took nothing with him but the house keys and the clothes he was wearing. He just wanted to get out of the stuffy apartment and away from the box of tasteless cigarettes. Without knowing where to go, where he could go, he just walked around aimlessly. It was getting colder and the darkness seemed more depressing than he could remember it being. Walking past a convenience store and seeing all the bright lights of Christmas decorations had him laughing in bitterness, reminding him why he hated Christmas as much as he did.

Tonight wasn't a Christmas Eve that changed this simple fact, his hatred was just as strong and engraved onto his skin. Ryo was tired. Of walking without a destination, of thinking about what happened, tired of convincing himself that someone else would come along and it would be better next time. Over and over repeating in his head the weary lyrics of some song he didn't even like. Ryo didn't think much about it, but started to walk in the direction of the vocalist's house. It wasn't close, and he didn't really want to see him. But he liked sleeping next to Satoshi, and that was all he really knew for sure right now.

He knocked on his door a few times before stepping back to wait for an answer. As he took his hand out of his pocket, something fell and landed in front of his boots. Tilting his head in confusion, he knelt down to pick up the small box wrapped up in some decorative Christmas paper. He smiled at the childish writing and uncaring, he tore open the wrapping and once he opened the small jewellery box he stopped smiling, looking down at the ring that sat inside. Again he could feel the anger washing over him and when the door opened and Satoshi's sleepy face came into view he didn't know anything at all, threw the box at Satoshi, screamed and suddenly turned on his heels and disappeared down the stairs. Groaning at the object hitting the side of his stomach and surprised by the sudden outburst, he immediately went after the drummer and was able to grab a hand right before he really disappeared outside of the apartment building.

Satoshi was sitting on the bench in an empty park outside his home with Ryo's head in his lap and he had one hand rested atop of his stomach while the other covered his face. With his eyes on the vast night sky and with one arm on the back of the bench, he had no idea what to say. Satoshi knew he wasn't very good at these things, comforting or encouraging. He didn't know how, and he wasn't very observing. Selfishly ignorant. But when he saw the first snow coming down from the sky, he couldn't keep his mouth shut anymore and began to sing in bad English "_All I want for Christmas is you_". Ryo didn't realize before the snow fell down and melted on his forehead and Satoshi's voice reached his ears, he was crying, and he definitely hadn't won anything...

"This isn't my jacket." Ryo cried with a weak voice.


End file.
